Sundowners

June 9th, 2023

My Mom at 86 - with the onset of dimentia.

Does it really matter

That I dont know night from day

Does it really matter

That folks no longer pass my way.

At this time they dont share

Afraid to offend me, yet Im still here,

Yes, I float from then to now

Amazing visions of my childhood & youth is a warmth that cares.

It's the now i fear, not sure what it wil bear. Simple thoughts now share my brain,

I cant shake them, back & forth they always remain.

Over & over i want to chat & hear

The now, abides me, it dont mean i dont care, Family maybe what matters,

Im safe, Ive got a bed, & food on a platter.

Funning how they're never here,

In they're absence it's ghosts I hear.

They comfort me, raised from the past I miss them, but glad they came to share.

Oh its bath time, which used to be my solice space

Now, they invade it &wash my face What have i become

I didnt invision this disgrace.

Years i've toiled to take care of mine

Its funny that now my days, the sun doesnt shine.

Lunch it is, i forgot what was the breakfast meal, Do they have any idea what i feel.

Its cold now, in &out

I cower, my mind its but a blinding shout. I dont understand what i read

I dont hear, I dont care, doesnt matter what they feed.

Wheres my son, why is he not here

Laughter works, its a distraction from this

fear, my husband, house, friends.../ remember these & shed a tear

But why im i still here in this race which is

Lost, i wander back n forth I pace, Trying to return to that peaceful place,

I'm afraid, Oh lord have you forgotten my face, i've tried, i've cried, no one hears me

now, i pray for your grace.

Night has come, but I cant sleep

Afraid of the darkness for it envelops me

I pray for the light, this comfort I plea.

I embrace this day, but wait my energy has passed, i rest while the sun is brite

Where is he that has forsaken me, have i

fallen from his grace & his sight.

Sadness & lonliness, are a woeful pair.

They have battered & wounded, many soles with blows.

Alas, only the bloodly shadow knows.

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